I Choose...

Before I could even put pen to paper I was on the floor in tears. All of my journals impact my life before I ever share them with others, but from time to time there will be one that wrecks me. This was one of those. I got up from the floor, wiped the tears from my eyes, and penned these words. My prayer is that they impact your life as they impacted mine.

**If you are not familiar with the story of Joseph, it can be found in Genesis 37-45 (skip 38). I encourage you to read it before continuing as this will allow you to understand more fully what is written here.

To say Joseph had a tough life would be an understatement. He had been sold into slavery, lied about, thrown in jail, been forgotten, was hated, conspired against and left for dead. All of that in 13 years! But now things were looking up for Joseph and he was placed in charge of selling grain during a famine. 

Before Joseph reveals his identity to his brothers, he arranges for a very unfortunate situation to see if his brothers had changed. He had one of his attendants make it look like Benjamin (his full brother, and the son that his father now loves the most) stole his silver cup. 

Now before they left home all the brothers all promised their father that Benjamin would return safely. He struggles to let him go with them, but reluctantly does. The silver cup being found in his bag puts Benjamin’s safe return in jeopardy. 

Joseph tells all his other brothers that they are free to go, but Benjamin must be his slave forever. Quickly all of his brothers offer to take their youngest brother’s place. They all offer to be Joseph’s slave in Benjamin’s stead. But one brother quiets everyone down and makes a personal plea to Joseph. Who is it? Judah. Why is that significant?

If you remember back to Genesis 37 when Joseph was sold into slavery, there was one brother who came up with the idea. Who? You guessed it, Judah!

What must have been going through Joseph’s head as Judah is offering to be his slave. This is the prefect opportunity for revenge. He can take any one of his brothers to be his slave. But especially Judah.

Now, when we read this story we often see Joseph as a model of God’s grace, but we do so at the expense of all his human qualities. We forget that Joseph was a man, a man that was really wronged by his brothers, his own family. He had a great opportunity to get them back for all they had done to him. 

Imagine yourself in Joseph’s shoes, but that’s too easy. No, I want you to imagine that person that has wronged you. Imagine that person who has hurt you. Now, imagine having the opportunity to make them feel the exact same way that you felt when they hurt you. All the pain, hurt, neglect, mistreatment. They can feel it…if you want them to. Close your eyes for a second and really think about it.

That is how Joseph felt. All the emotions you just felt, he was feeling. Keep that picture in your mind as I tell you how God confronted me with this.

As I prayed before reading my Bible I asked God to heal my heart. This is not uncommon, I pray this before I read almost every day. But when I got to verse 33 realizing that Judah was the one who suggested Joseph be sold into slavery, and that now Joseph had the opportunity to make him feel that same way, God told me to stop. 

I got up and walked around the room for a second, then God spoke these words to me, “I can’t heal your heart until you forgive.” 

This shocked me, I thought I had. Then He spoke again, “You haven’t forgiven if you want them to know your pain.”

At that point I lost it. I hit the floor, began to cry uncontrollably, and started forgiving people.

This is the same choice Joseph had to make. He could have chosen any or all of his brothers to know his struggle. To know what they put him through. He could have chosen Ruben. He could have chosen Benjamin. He could have chosen Judah. He could have chosen anyone of them, but instead, as tears filled his eyes, he pointed his finger away from them and toward heaven and declared, I CHOOSE FORGIVENESS!

I must have said phrase that about 100 times that day, but at the end I was the one who was free.

See, Joseph could have chosen to make them a slave, but he would have been the real prisoner. 

I want to leave you with this thought:

God can never heal you of a hurt you want someone else to know because you hold on to that hurt by wanting them to know it. 

But if you give it to God, He will heal your heart!

Garrett